The past couple weeks have generally been good. I’m starting to finally feel like I belong there. After school detentions are working like a charm, as I give out one detention and then the class is perfect– it’s unfortunate for the first person, but hey, what can ya do? I’ve also been finding my niche with my students. I’ve imposed my enthusiasm for math which is pretty dorky, but my kids find it amusing. I’m constantly saying things like, ” a whole day without math isn’t good for your health” and “i know you’d be so disappointed without homework tonight”. I’m also making fun of myself more frequently, as my kids are starting to get a better sense of the boundaries that they are not supposed to cross in our conversations, which makes the jokes about myself more fun (for example, they’re getting a better sense of what types of things are okay to joke about and what types of things are off-limits)

I’ve been getting a lot better with balancing science too– I’d be lying if I said I was good at it, but it’s definitely getting better and I’m covering more of it. I think that has to do with testing being over, and feeling less pressure for math scores.

The best thing that I think is happening is that my relationship with my kids is significantly improving. My usual biting sarcasm is now commonplace in my classroom, but my kids know me well enough to know that I just use it for fun. The other day, Tammy said something along the lines of “Mr. P, I almost didn’t come to school today” to which I replied instantly, “what makes you think that I want you here?” Of course, Tammy is one of my favorites and she knows it, which makes such exchanges possible.

Ironically, the thing that is making a difference the most almost has me a little mad at myself. A common tfa thing is to shake hands with kids at the door. I never started it at the beginning of the year, but I decided to just pick it up one day. I did it right before testing under the guise of needing to get more serious in the class, and the first week or so I was greeted with the “this is so stupid, why are we doing this?” look. But now, it’s generally a pretty good thing for I’d say 80% of my kids, and I can feel a greater sense of mutual respect with my kids now. I’m mad at myself for not doing this sooner. But another good thing is that I persevered through it. As a first year teacher, I guess we’re looking for a lot of quick fixes, and when things don’t do wonders in a week, we abandon it. But this whole hand-shaking thing made me realize that things need a couple weeks, or maybe even longer, to really have an effect. I’m finally sticking to my gut instead of letting my kids opinions influence what I do in the classroom and it’s working.

The part about hitting the wall has to do with Tim and Anthony. Tim told me to shut up today, which got him sent promptly to the office, cause at that point, there is nothing for me to do except throw him out my window (which is especially tempting, being on the 3rd floor), and Anthony’s outbursts are ridiculous and so disruptive– more than anything, it’s freaking May and he still doesn’t get it. It finally hit me that both of them need serious counseling and nothing short of that is going to work for these two. They both have major male authority issues and I’m not trained in dealing with that.

On a rather humorous note with that, Tony, a 4th grader in Mr. B’s class, came up to my room during detention after-school and gave me a bag with some fries in it. And I was surprised as I wasn’t expecting a food delivery– but since Tony said it was for me, and it smelled really good, I wasn’t going to complain. So, I started eating it in front of the kids– I didn’t feel too guilty, as they were in detention, and I had skipped my lunch earlier. The funny thing about it is later, I find that Tony was supposed to ask me to give it to Tim, cause someone had actually got it for Tim. So I essentially ended up eating Tim’s food, right in front of him– again, there’s little guilt when the kid told me to shut up earlier.

And on a positive note, we had the Newark elementary track meet yesterday– and one of our 3rd grade girls ROCKED– she got to the finals, before it got rained out– anyway, they’re finishing it up next week, but I was so proud of her. And our other kids put in a good effort, too, so that was real cool.

So, all in all, things are looking up. I’m feeling like I’m being welcomed into the community now, which I never totally felt a part of before. The little conversations in the classroom are subsiding and my relationships with my kids are improving. I can’t say the learning has been perfect, looking at my last quiz, but I think it’s just a little of that post-testing lull, hopefully. All in all, life is good, and it has me more willing to move up with my kids to 8th grade.